DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have been invited to a wedding that begins at 3:30 p.m. on a Thursday.
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We are thrilled for the couple. However, I feel we should decline, as the bride and groom are sending a message — with their choice of a midweek afternoon ceremony — that they would prefer to have a small turnout.
I believe we should say no but send a thoughtful note and gift. My husband feels that we should both take the day off from work and attend, and that declining would be punishing the couple for staying within their limited financial resources.
Who is right?
GENTLE READER: Perhaps neither. The midweek scheduling might have nothing to do with the wedding budget. And even if the happy couple is economizing, Miss Manners notes that they meant to include you.
The problem with reading between the lines is that the print is so small. The safest assumption, when one receives an invitation, is that it means the host desires the pleasure of your company.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to frequent a coffee shop in the suburbs, where I would work on my laptop for a couple of hours before catching a train to the city.
One day, as I was working, a man asked me to keep an eye on his laptop while he took a phone call outside. I agreed, as my train would not depart for another 30 minutes and I assumed the call would be short.
As the departure time got closer, the man was nowhere to be found, and his laptop still sat on the counter unattended.
I packed up my things and left to catch my train. It felt wrong to inconvenience another customer or employee by passing along the request to watch the laptop for an indefinite amount of time, but I know that I could have done better. What should I have done instead?
GENTLE READER: These days, unfortunately, one can no longer assume that the worst thing that will happen if a stranger leaves you holding a package is that they will not return before you have to catch your train.
It is therefore reasonable to add this to the growing list of things one never agrees to do, starting with accepting candy from strangers.
But Miss Manners can refuse anything graciously. In this case, she would have declined with an apology, explaining that she herself would be leaving to catch her train.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I go canoeing with several other retirees. One member of our group has a habit of squatting in the river to urinate instead of going behind a bush and dropping her drawers.
I don’t think she should assume that it is OK to ride in others’ cars in her peed-in shorts at the end of the day.
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She maintains that when she’s in the water, the river washes her shorts “as well as your washing machine.”
Do you have any thoughts on this?
GENTLE READER: Only that Miss Manners will be taking the bus home, thank you.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.