DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many of my soon-to-be in-laws are upset that we don’t have a wedding registry, and also that they don’t have my phone number to complain.
Nobody bothers my fiance, but his mother, “Noreen,” is getting a lot of calls from the extended family.
I’ve given my blessing for her to share the truth: We are putting together photo walls in the front hallway of our home, and will happily include anyone who sends us pictures.
Even this highly personal gift idea isn’t cutting it, and Noreen is getting frazzled as the date draws nigh. Directing relatives to my fiance’s phone number isn’t working.
I’m tempted to make a registry that is all socks to be donated to a charity, but that would probably just make things worse for Noreen. Please talk me down.
GENTLE READER: Presumably you know that Miss Manners has long been railing exhaustively — and ineffectually — against the custom of giving one’s shopping list to guests.
Nevertheless, when she calms down, she realizes that there really are people who would like to please celebrants and yet don’t know them well enough to know how. To make that palatable, it should be done indirectly and in general terms.
What your fiance’s mother needs is such an answer to the relatives: “They love kitchen gadgets,” “Their house is in tones of blue and gray” or “They travel a lot.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is your opinion on handkerchiefs? I prefer them to tissues.
I have seen brides, at weddings that cost thousands of dollars, crying into wadded-up tissues. If they really find it so disgusting to reuse a soiled handkerchief, they could invest a few dollars in a multi-pack and get a fresh one each time.
Also, I believe that it is better for the environment.
GENTLE READER: Why would anyone prefer a flimsy piece of paper to an all-purpose little cloth for mopping up life’s frequent spills, including those from noses?
Miss Manners suspects it is the fussy name and the embellishments — such as embroidery, floral motifs and monograms — that condemn handkerchiefs as frivolous.
So yes, she loves them. Remind her to give large lacy ones to prospective brides who are known to be emotional.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two teachers at the school where I teach had babies. The school had separate baby showers for each of them, and I gave a gift at each shower.
Neither one has offered any thanks to any of us for the gifts they received.
I’m rather surprised. Is this the norm these days?
GENTLE READER: As you are a teacher, you probably subscribe to the idea that normal behavior — which is to say, that behavior in which many people indulge — could stand improvement.
That ingratitude is common does not make it acceptable. Nor is being busy an excuse you would accept from students who didn’t turn in their assignments.
But Miss Manners presumes that you are also familiar with failure to complete a task. Are you sure that each of the packages included a securely fastened card identifying the donor?
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.