DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was on a tennis team and was eliminated during a tournament.
I was supposed to play two matches. I played one and won, but got injured and bowed out of my second match. I then recovered, but still didn’t get to play in the remaining matches.
We had a very strong team, so I knew I wouldn’t play much, but thought I would at least get the required two matches. The captain had indicated that she was going to play me, but then she didn’t. I’m not a bad player, so I am not sure why.
We ended up going to the playoffs, and again the captain didn’t put me in, which basically eliminated me from further play. It was very painful and hurtful and unnecessary, because even if I had played and lost, the team would still have gone to the playoffs. So I had words with the captain and then later apologized.
I didn’t hear anything from the team for a while, and decided to go to a different team for a different age bracket. I am officially still on my original team, but was never invited to anything.
Then out of the blue, I received an invitation to a party for the team as they prepare for sectionals, which I can’t play in because I only played once.
I am in a quandary as to how to respond. If I’d gotten my two matches in, I could just go to the party and have fun, but there is so much pain at my elimination that I truly don’t know how to respond.
If I don’t go, it will look one way, and if I do, I don’t know how that will look.
GENTLE READER: The last time Miss Manners checked, tennis was played with a single ball, so let’s try and keep our eyes on that and cut out some of the weaving back and forth.
She understands your frustration with how this season went. But she expects what you are really wondering is how to fit in better with the team, so that next season goes better.
The problem you are having is that your teammates are tired of hearing about the game you did not play. If you can attend the party, be charming and tell everyone else how well they played, you should go. If your only topic is going to be your missed game, then thank the captain for the invitation but stay home.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Someone I know messaged me about 5:30 p.m., requesting that I call them that evening as they had good news to share. But they also told me they were unavailable to talk after 8:30 p.m.
I find this person stressful, and I’d already had a big, stressful day. So I politely sent a message back saying I was unable to call that evening. I never heard back.
Was that rude of me?
GENTLE READER: No. And while it was not, strictly speaking, rude of this person not to have followed up, or at least explained their request, Miss Manners considers it a good policy if they hope to encourage future compliance.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.