DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few months ago, I met a man on a singles website and we began dating. Things seemed to be progressing nicely between us until he blurted out that he was married.
He explained that he hoped we would continue to see each other anyway, because we got along so well.
He said he’d never lied to me by telling me he was single, and since I’d never asked if he was married, he saw no need to tell me.
I was disgusted, and told him he had been deceptive by being on a singles site in the first place. I told him he was a bad person and walked out.
The problem is that he lives in my neighborhood, and I have since seen him shopping in the same stores I do, usually alone. So far, he has been too far away or too preoccupied to have noticed me.
If we run into each other in some aisle, however, do I say something? Pretend I don’t see him? What if he tries to speak to me?
GENTLE READER: You can cut him, of course, but Miss Manners suggests that you nod coolly and move on.
She hopes that you do not have fantasies of denouncing him in front of the other shoppers. It would only suggest to them that you are angry because he jilted you.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a wedding invitation from a good friend that began, “Mrs. Sallie Doe and the Late Mr. John Doe request the presence of your company at the marriage of their daughter.”
I was torn between amusement and pity. Assuming I could not attend, how would one direct regrets to the Dear Departed?
Now I’m wondering if the Dear Departed will be on hand to give the bride away — which might be a compelling reason to attend. A penny for your thoughts?
GENTLE READER: That you should try very hard to suppress the amusement and go with the pity.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When and where should a lady wear white gloves?
GENTLE READER: Nowadays, probably when she is handling valuable antiques, serving on the staff of a very fancy restaurant, or dressing up as Minnie Mouse.
But Miss Manners remembers a time when it was considered ladylike to wear short white cotton gloves in summertime. It was simply a finishing touch before going out in public. This was before people started going out in public in their pajamas, workout clothes and unadorned underwear.
It was also before those innocent little gloves became symbolic of all the disadvantages of being a lady, and were spoken of as if they were handcuffs.
Perhaps you are referring to over-the-elbow kid gloves, worn with full formal dress. These are also rare nowadays, as “white tie” is seldom worn. You can see them being mishandled in period costume dramas, where eating and drinking while wearing gloves would have tipped off real people of the period that those characters were clueless interlopers.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.