DEAR MISS MANNERS: I go by a shortened version of my first name because I feel it suits me better than my full name.
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Even my parents started using the shortened name when I was a child, as they agreed it fit me better.
As the manager of our intramural kickball team, I send out many emails to the players and always sign off using my shortened name, which most people follow. However, one player continues to use my full name in conversations every week.
How can I politely let them know that I find my full name unpleasant on the ear and would prefer that they use my shortened name?
GENTLE READER: By treating the request as an act of intimacy and not a chastisement: “I think we know each other well enough now that you can call me Gen, not Genevieve. All my friends do, and it’s what I prefer.”
Shortening someone’s name can be a sign of familiarity. But with a new relationship, it can be overly so. Miss Manners suggests you act as though the people who make this mistake are being cautious, not trying to upset you. Acquaintances will hardly know you well enough to do that yet.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I travel frequently, and I have noticed that airports are reducing the number of seats at the gates.
I will arrive at the gate more than an hour before boarding, only to find all the seats already taken — except for the three holding someone’s coats and pillows, or the one next to a couple with their luggage on it.
If I ask, I am told that they are holding the seat for a friend. Many times, that friend never shows up, or arrives 90 minutes later, when the plane is boarding.
While I am not elderly, standing in one spot for over an hour is uncomfortable. Is there a polite way to ask if I could just use the seat until their friend gets back? I would be happy to give up the seat at that time; I just want to sit down for a few minutes.
GENTLE READER: It is perfectly polite to say exactly that.
If you are up for it, Miss Manners thinks it would also be fun to just stand there, looking more frail and elderly than you are, until they finally give up.
Fun, she realizes, is relative. But at the airport, the bar is already pretty low.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family members often gush about a band that I don’t like. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, so I try to find some nice things to say.
What follows is that I’m sent CDs, T-shirts, etc. related to said band.
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I thank the givers, then put the items aside, but I also have the feeling I’ve deceived my family.
Is there a way to gently let them know I’m not as enthusiastic as they are?
GENTLE READER: “That is a good band, but you know which one I like?” Rather than desperately trying to find something to like in their choice, see how willing they are to gush about yours.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.