Alan Carr is pulling down the shutters on his love life after dramatically proclaiming he’s swearing off romance for good…. kind of.
Just at the start of the year, the Celebrity Traitors star, 49, declared that not only was he single and ready to mingle, but he had put himself back out there on dating apps while filming Amanda and Alan’s Greek Job in Corfu with TV bestie, and wing-woman, Amanda Holden.
‘A new year’s resolution: “Let’s find love” – that’s the only thing that’s missing in my life,’ he told Woman’s Weekly.
Then, chatting with Paloma Faith on the Mad, Sad & Bad podcast, he added: ‘I’m sort of tentatively putting my toe back in the dating thing’ although he’s talked himself down so much, he’d been struggling and having to remind himself he is worth it.
But, as anyone single who’s currently navigating the absolutely dire world of modern dating (where you have to pay a monthly subscription to like more than five strangers’ profiles) will understand, it seems he’s written the resolution off after just months.
Sharing a tragically candid update to The Telegraph on his mission to find a new companion, he bluntly said: ‘I’ve got no more romance in me. I’ve had enough. Done at 50. That’s it. No more sex. Shop’s closed, gone. I might as well chemically castrate myself.’
And then, echoing the cries of a disillusioned generation, added: ‘Oh, I can’t be doing with it any more. The apps, I can’t go on them, it’s too much!’
Still, even after all of that, he still does have one exception – a really hot Scottish man a la Billy Connolly in Mrs Brown.
‘If I’m riding on a horse and some fit Scottish man in a kilt comes out and scoops me up, I wouldn’t say no,’ he noted, and said to chuck in ‘a bit of stubble rash’ for good measure.
So, if anyone reading this fits the bill… Alan’s waiting for you, and you’re late!
Of course, the iconic TV personality has vastly increased his chances of a Hallmark meet-cute after becoming the proud owner of a Scottish castle, which will be the subject of his new Disney Plus show, Castle Man, where he does it up.
The £3m purchase also comes with the option to create his own tartan and have the Barony of Ayton bestowed upon him, at an extra cost.
This is not the first time Alan has had to navigate the complex world of love. In fact, he was with his ex-husband, Paul Drayton, for 13 years in total before they parted ways in 2022.
After that, he dated hairdresser Callum Heslop, but that was short-lived, with the couple splitting up in early 2024.
But, in the eternal words of Shakespeare himself: The course of true love never did run smooth.
In fact, Alan has previously shared he’s sure he’ll find the one for him in Albania (a dream location for him and Amanda to take their show).
‘Get yourself a fascinator and some hats because you’re going to walk me down the aisle in Albania,’ he teased about Amanda giving him away earlier this year.
Whether Scotland, Albania or somewhere in between, we’re locked in for wherever Alan’s quest for love takes him next.
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