Senior Moments: Motherly advice and the untruths we tell

The untruth still haunts me even though I thought I had convinced myself that it was the kinder act of conscience. It happened nine years ago just before my mother’s 101st birthday, which was her last one with us.

Although she was frail, she was alert and always interested to hear about the little everyday details of my life. During one of my daily phone calls to her at her nursing home, I mentioned we had bought a new sleep sofa for the den. She asked the color and size, and then with great enthusiasm, she said the words that would haunt me.

“I can’t wait to see it.”

I pictured her face, smiling with anticipation at something new to look forward to. But I was grateful that she couldn’t see my face. A few days earlier I had talked to her medical staff about bringing Mom to our house to celebrate her birthday, a long-standing tradition. I was told it was too dangerous to move her. Her bones were very weak after several falls.

Holding my phone like it was a lifeline, I sat down on the sofa my mother would never see and pondered how to reply to her comment.

“I can’t wait to see it,” Mom said.

“You’ll love it,” I responded.

Every year as her birthday draws near, the story comes back to me.

This year I have remembered how my mother unknowingly demonstrated that she would have done the same thing I did.

Not long after she moved into a retirement home, Mom invited George and me to have Thanksgiving dinner with her at her new home. She was excited to have us meet the new friends she had made. I knew everyone would be dressed up for the holiday, so I took particular care to look my best, wearing a favorite dark blue dress with stockings to match. When I went to the ladies’ room after dinner, I discovered a very large run in my stocking, which the dark color made even more obvious. Mortified, I asked my mother if she thought anyone noticed, and she told me she had seen it when I arrived.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.

She said since there was nothing I could do about it, she didn’t want to upset me and spoil my evening. Such good advice.

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