The first excerpts from James Middleton’s pseudo-memoir Meet Ella: The Dog Who Saved My Life came out last weekend. The Daily Mail published the first excerpts that I saw. It feels notable that the Mail is suddenly not scandalized at all by a memoir written by someone with royal connections, and someone who is explicitly writing about those royal connections. While I haven’t read anything which is “bad” for the Windsors or James’s sister Kate, the whole thing is very tacky. You’d think that there would be outrage, right? Instead, every British outlet is doing the most to act like all of this is totally normal and uncontroversial.
Hilariously, James didn’t give the Mail the sole exclusive for the book’s excerpts. He also gave People Magazine an exclusive look too. As GB News wrote, “Meet Ella by James Middleton is being serialised in People Magazine, an outlet known to have close ties to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.” LMAO. It couldn’t be any more obvious that the Middletons and the Windsors are simply obsessed with America and “winning over” Americans. Anyway, here are some passages of the book published by People:
James adjusts to life in the royal spotlight:
There was no official guidance from the Palace about how we should behave, but William would make useful suggestions. And his constant mantra was, ‘Be careful.’There were times when I got things wrong. I posted a photo of myself wearing a polka-dot dress one Halloween, and someone somewhere got it into their head that it was Catherine’s dress. It wasn’t. It belonged to a friend. No harm was done on that occasion, but I started to be more circumspect about the photos I shared. And I realised how even the most trivial stories assumed disproportionate importance.
Bonding with Queen Elizabeth.
All the way up to Norfolk I’d been rehearsing my lines, muttering ‘ Your Majesty’ for the Queen; ‘Your Royal Highness’ for the Duke of Edinburgh. But in my blind panic I blurted: ‘I’m so sorry we’re late, Your Royal Majesty.’ I heard a snort of laughter from William and looked past the Queen to see him sniggering. ‘Oh, how lovely to see you, James,’ she smiled. I’d met her several times, notably at my sister’s wedding, of course, and she was always welcoming. ‘You must be hungry. Make sure you have something to eat,’ she went on serenely as she continued her regal progress out of the room. I blushed fiercely and peered into the drawing room to see the whole family grinning at me
James introduces his newborn son Inigo to his family:
My sisters both have huge grins on their faces. It takes them back to the days when their firstborns were as tiny as their new nephew. ‘Welcome to parenthood,’ they say. We are an affectionate and close-knit family and there are lots of hugs and laughter. Catherine and Pippa bring two big suitcases of hand-me-down clothes, so Inigo’s cupboards are full of sweet little outfits his cousins–even the girls–have worn. We look at them and think, ‘Aren’t they enormous? It’ll be months before he’s wearing these.’ We don’t realise that he will grow so fast he’ll fit them in a blink. We’re deluged with advice from my sisters, but we muddle through in our own way, sometimes getting things right, sometimes wrong.
During this first visit to my parents’, I’m keen to show Inigo where Ella lies in the garden with Tilly and Mini. So we wrap him up snugly and I take him to her grave. It is a tender moment–and its poignancy still catches me–because I think back again to how far I have come. My life was once so full of torment I felt suicidal. Only Ella gave me cause to keep living. She brought about this wonderful transition in me, from despair to hope. Today I have a wife and son I adore because of her. I never thought such a transformation could happen in my life–and it is all because of my Ella. I touch the picture of her in my pocket and blink away tears.
Every excerpt I’ve read from this book, I’ve come away feeling really sad for James. He keeps crashing businesses, he was a bad student, he was treated as the family f–kup, and it was like no one in his family thought to get him some academic or therapeutic help until he was well into his late 20s and early 30s. I love animals too and every dog is a good dog, but the framing of this book is still so… strange. That’s all I’ll say.
Photos courtesy of Avalon Red.