The Celebrity Traitors is already the Alan Carr show — as it should be

Last night, the first episode of what is easily the most highly anticipated series in recent memory finally launched, with Sir Stephen Fry, Clare Balding, Paloma Faith, and other colossal stars taking their first plunge into reality television to play The Traitors.

It was a triumph from start to finish. The cast isn’t just packed with star power — it’s quite simply a brilliant ensemble that sticks to the show’s winning formula: likeable characters from all walks of life.

However, Claudia Winkleman might have already put the show’s greatest asset at risk.

As per tradition, every series of The Traitors begins with Claudia picking three traitors — those who will secretly backstab the faithful by ‘murdering’ them one by one overnight.

And she had quite the pick: so many of the celebrity guests at Ardross Castle wanted to be traitors, but only three could make the cut.

Brit Award nominee Cat Burns and chat show legend Jonathan Ross got Claudia’s first tap on the shoulder. Both were excellent choices — smart, cunning, ruthless, and fun. For now, they’re flying completely under the radar, and long may that continue.

But then Claudia also picked Alan, which is understandable because he is effortlessly entertaining. There should barely be a minute that goes by without him on screen. And the only way to ensure that naturally is to put him at the centre of the game as a traitor.

But has she also thrown him under the bus? From the moment Alan was chosen, he looked clearly unqualified.

He couldn’t contain his panic and, by his own admission, confessed: ‘I’m worse than Linda,’ referring to the infamous series three contestant whose mask slipped seconds after being picked.

Throughout the episode, Alan’s new role seemed to overwhelm him more and more. He twitched, threw random names into the ether, and darted around the castle like a man on a mission — which, of course, he secretly was.

At times, it felt like he might just break and scream: ‘I can’t take it anymore, I’m a traitor!’

Initially, my hopes that Alan would drive the entire series felt doomed. I was thoroughly enjoying The Alan Carr Show, and ideally, that would continue right through to the final.

On first impression, though, that seemed unlikely. But then my opinion took a U-turn.

Perhaps with three series under her belt, Claudia does know how to pick the perfect traitors after all.

Alan has built a brand on his self-deprecating humour. He has the exuberant energy of a caged bird let loose, so it’s completely fitting that he’d be just as chaotic inside the castle, whether traitor or faithful.

Alan likely entered as the most popular player. Many contestants have appeared on his now-cancelled chat show, he’s inescapable on the showbiz circuit, and he’s notoriously beloved by his peers. The other players either know him very well — or think they do.

From the outside, Alan may as well be wearing a T-shirt that says ‘I’m the new Linda’. But inside the game, I suspect his anxious sweating and twitchy energy are going largely unnoticed because that’s exactly how Alan Carr is supposed to behave. It’s his brand.

There are already names being thrown around ahead of the first banishment.

She reeks of suspicion, and others have speculated she was on a mission to ruin their chances of winning. She’ll need a miracle to last much longer.

I’ve watched Kate Garraway a lot on Good Morning Britain, and it’s clear she’s playing the game as herself — which would ordinarily be a good strategy.

But when you’re naturally inquisitive and a little over-the-top like Kate, every line of questioning seems to put yet another question mark over your head. She’s already not trusted, and if she wants to keep her seat at the table, she may need to rein herself in — which feels unlikely.

Even in his moments of panic, his wit is so quick that he easily deflects attention from his nerves — and makes it look so natural, too.

As one of – if not the – most popular players, I suspect few of the faithful would even dare suggest his name to others, especially when so many have such deep-rooted allegiance to him.

Unlike the civilian version of The Traitors, these bonds go back years: Alan is close friends with Paloma Faith, Charlotte Church, Jonathan Ross, and likely many more.

His power and influence in the game can’t be underestimated. And that’s why, actually, he may prove to be a great traitor — even if, right now, he looks completely useless.

In the space of 70 minutes, my opinion of Alan Carr couldn’t have changed more.

I fully expected him to break, give himself away, and maybe even accidentally take Jonathan Ross and Cat Burns down with him. But as the first episode closed on a cliffhanger — with Alan now tasked with making a kill in plain sight — I realised he might actually be the best man for the job.

Who’s going to suspect the beloved, chatty man?

By the looks of it: absolutely no one.

Celebrity The Traitors airs Wednesdays and Thursdays at 9pm on BBC One.

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