Olly Alexander is aiming to bring it home for the UK in 2024 (Picture: Christine Olsson/TT/Getty)
It’s finally time for the Grand Final of the Eurovision Song Contest 2024. 26 countries will perform live in Malmo, Sweden for a shot at the crown.
Since Tuesday, 31 countries have been battling it out for a spot in the Grand Final, with the finalised running order now decided after a tense week of semi-finals.
Sweden is hosting the tournament for the first time since 2016 and exactly 50 years since Scandinavian pop sensations Abba won the contest in 1974.
If you haven’t managed to make it to Malmo for the musical festivities, you can follow it all live on BBC One on Saturday night from 8pm, with Graham Norton taking us through the night.
Here’s your guide to the running order for the final.
1. Sweden, Marcus & Martinus
Last year, the Eurovision Song Contest opened with Austrian duo Teya & Selena asking Who the Hell is Edgar? This year, Marcus & Martinus will see the hosts open the evening with Unforgettable.
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Keep your eyes peeled for the sheer number of LED screens used in Marcus & Martinus’ set. Keep your ears peeled for the duo’s brand of synthpop, which is Years & Years via the Tron: Legacy soundtrack.
2. Ukraine, Alyona Alyona and Jerry Heil
The winners of the Eurovision Song Contest in 2022 are coming back for their crown, and they’ve decided that seriously passionate pop is the way to do it.
A song about Mother Teresa and the Virgin Mary, Teresa & Maria is described as a song about ‘hope’. It’s the third time lucky for singer Yana (Jerry Heil’s real name), who is finally at Eurovision after unsuccessful bids in 2022 and 2023.
3. Germany, Isaak
Germany hasn’t had much luck at the Eurovision Song Contest in recent years, but aiming to turn his country’s fortunes around is 29-year-old singer Isaak.
Sounding like someone who’s halfway between James Arthur and Rag n Bone Man, Isaak will have to have fire extinguishers on hand to make sure the flames in his set don’t get too hard to control.
4. Luxembourg, Tali
Confession time: I wasn’t even born the last time Luxembourg performed at the Grand Final of the Eurovision Song Contest, with their last entry coming back in 1993.
The five-time champions are hoping to make it crown number six with Tali and her song Fighter – she looks like Charli XCX if you squint but sounds very much herself atop the song’s South American rhythms.
5. Netherlands, Joost Klein
The Netherlands shockingly failed to qualify in 2023 despite winning the competition only four years earlier, but they’re back this year with Joost Klein this time.
‘Europe, let’s come together – it’s now or never!’ rapper and YouTuber Joost declares loudly at the start of his performance as his stretched-out face is plastered across the stage beneath his feet.
It then breaks out into novelty 90s rave rap. We’ll say no more.
(Update: Joost Klein did not rehearse on Friday due to an ‘incident’ reported to the European Broadcasting Union).
6. Israel, Eden Golan
Perhaps the most controversial Eurovision Song Contest entry for a generation, Israel’s Eden Golen has performed amid jeers and pro-Palestine protests during the semi-finals this week.
She was made to change the name and lyrics to her song, which was called October Rain and is now called Hurricane, but still qualified to perform on Saturday night.
7. Lithuania, Silvester Belt
Lithuania’s entry to the Eurovision Song Contest this year translates in English to ‘Wait’. The song is performed by 26-year-old singer Silvester Belt, who has a history in the UK having graduated from the University of Westminster in 2019.
The 90s and early 2000s are very much in style at this year’s Eurovision, it seems, with Silvester pulling a lot of aesthetical cues from the vocal trance scene of 25 years ago.
8. Spain, Nebulossa
It’s more turn-of-the-century dance-pop from Nebulossa, who are Spain’s entry t the Eurovision Song Contest this year – their song Zorra went down a storm in the Malmo Arena this week during the semi-finals.
Twin Peaks fans watching Eurovision this year will immediately recognise the stage decoration, as it bears striking resemblance not just to the Red Room but also to One-Eyed Jack’s casino… if the Red Room also featured muscle-bound shirtless blokes in the tightest, most revealing corsets you’ve ever seen in your life.
9. Estonia, 5miinust and Puuluup
The longest song title of this year’s Eurovision belongs to Estonia. Two groups (five-piece hip hop group 5miinust and folk duo Puuluup) have combined to create: ‘(Nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi’, which translates to ‘We (sure) know nothing about (these) drugs’.
While waiting for their results during the semi-final, the two groups took their clothes off, kept their sunglasses on, snuggled under a giant blanket together, and ate popcorn. They’ll go down well on Saturday night.
10. Ireland, Bambie Thug
Ireland are back! Thank goodness. It’s just not the same without the seven-time record-breaking champions. Plus, Bambie Thug has to be the best stage name at the Eurovision Song Contest this year, right?
Get ready for this one. As one YouTube comment puts it, ‘This is why Ireland invented Halloween’. This is D-R-E-N-C-H-E-D in non-binary goth witch realness as Bambie summons demons, shows off a trans pride costume change, and screams their way to the finish.
11. Latvia, Dons
Tipped as a dark horse by some, Latvia is competing for the first time in almost a decade and has sent one of its finest balladeers to bring the trophy home.
A minimal set, featuring Dons – whose real name is Artūrs Šingirejs – and a large ring of polished stone is the backdrop for something that ends up sounding very Imagine Dragons.
12. Greece, Marina Satti
Greece’s entry to the Eurovision Song Contest in 2024 starts off in portrait mode, with singer Marina Satti recording a video for (presumably) TikTok or Instagram. Millions of hearts fly by and she’ll be hoping to receive similar love from Europe on Saturday.
Marina’s father tragically died a month ago and the Greek singer, 37, has been battling pharyngitis during the semi-finals. Let’s hope she’s sufficiently recovered in time for the big night.
13. United Kingdom, Olly Alexander
The United Kingdom’s Eurovision Song Contest hopeful for 2024 is Olly Alexander, who has been very open about the fact that performing at Eurovision has been a life-long dream.
He’ll take to the stage at the halfway mark, bringing the first half to a close with his song Dizzy – the song has been written in collaboration with Dua Lipa and Carly Rae Jepsen collaborator Danny L Harle.
14. Norway, Gåte
You’ll have noticed in the countdown thus far that a lot of metal and industrial aesthetics are going to be present at the Eurovision Song Contest in 2024, and Norway are no exception. You’re not surprised, I can tell.
Metal and folk group Gåte might start slow but it’s not longer before the heavy instrumentation comes in while singer Gunnhild Sundli delivers a powerful vocal.
15. Italy, Angelina Mango
Italy’s entry to the Eurovision Song Contest this year is the singer-songwriter daughter of Pino Mango, a singer famous in Italy who tragically died on stage aged just 60 back in 2014.
Fans have said Angelina’s father would be proud to see her gracing the stage at Eurovision, and she’s entered this competition with sultry Italian pop and tree root props money can buy.
As another fan said: ‘Italy don’t play games. They are in it to win it.’
16. Serbia, Teya Dora
The opening seconds of Serbia’s entry to the Eurovision Song Contest will probably remind you of how every single Harry Potter film starts. You’ll know it when you see it.
Once that’s out of the way, Teya Dora appears to be lost at sea, sitting on a rock or a bit of iceberg. It’s a very breathy, serious ballad that eventually starts to resemble Tattoo, Loreen’s winning entry from last year.
17. Finland, Windows95man
Yep, you read that name correctly. Windows95man will be representing Finland this year. After 2023’s barnstormer Cha Cha Cha by, Teemu Keisteri (Windows95man’s real name) has a lot to live up to.
And they’ve somehow amped up the zany intensity, with Keisteri emerging from an egg looking like he’s wearing nothing below the waist, growling in a guttural voice, ‘Call me what you may – see if I care.’
That gag then carries on for the entire performance as Keisteri marches round the stage with various objects desperately attempting to cover his privates. No, we’re not joking.
18. Portugal, Iolanda
The company that provided the LED lightboxes for this performance will remain in business for a very, very long time. Top marks for choreography too.
19. Armenia, Ladaniva
19th in the running order is probably the perfect place for Armenia’s entry. It’s the perfect song to push the night to the finish, with enough brass, colourful embroidery, and ‘la la la’-ing to last a lifetime.
Armenia has never won the Eurovision Song Contest before but they have qualified for the Grand Final almost every year since their first entry back in 2006.
20. Cyprus, Silia Kapsis
Cyprus got awfully close to the title in 2018 and will be aiming for Eurovision glory again this time around, having competed in the competition more than any other country that’s still yet to reign victorious.
Expect groans in the audience when they give 12 points to Greece. On the 31 occasions when Cyprus and Greece have both competed, Cyprus has given Greece 12 points a massive 26 times.
Let’s see if the Greeks will be tempted to give 12 points to their neighbours after Silia Kapsis’ performance.
21. Switzerland, Nemo
Among the favourites for this year’s competition is Nemo, with his song The Code. It might be the best chance Switzerland have of winning this competition for the first time since 1988 when Celine Dion took home the crown.
Coming across like a mixture of Marcel Marceau and the UK’s own Olly Alexander, Nemo really, really hits the high notes while walking up what appears to be a rotating table-slash-satellite dish. This will catch Europe by surprise.
22. Slovenia, Raiven
As one Eurovision fan said ‘If Bambie Thug is a witch, then Raiven is a high elf sorceress’. Make of that what you will. Another song that really reaches for the high notes that will go down well in the hall.
23. Croatia, Baby Lasagna
The favourites on the night. Croatia are another nation who’ve never taken home the Eurovision crown but might not get a better chance than tonight.
Rim Tim Tagi Dim is the kind of silly novelty fun that Eurovision crowds absolutely love, with lyrics such as ‘I’m a big boy now, I’m going away and I sold my cow’ and ‘Wanna become one of them city boys, They’re all so pretty and so advanced’ sure to be on Graham Norton’s radar for a bit of banter on the BBC.
24. Georgia, Nutsa Buzaladze
At the start of the night, we’ve got Luxembourg’s Fighter. Towards the end, we’ve got Georgia’s Firefighter. This goes pretty much as expected until the first chorus, which packs a serious punch and will get the hall moving.
25. France, Slimane
France has come to Eurovision with a ballad that, as one fan put it, sees singer Slimane ‘leave his soul on the stage’. This will do very well.
26. Austria, Kaleen
Last year, Austria opened the Eurovision Song Contest. This year, they’ll be closing it, just as Mae Muller did for the United Kingdom 12 months ago.
Austrian singer Kaleen will be bringing the night to an end with a song that typifies Eurovision 2024’s dedication to dance-pop, with We Will Rave. It’s one for 90s kids everywhere who grew up on this kind of stuff.
Watch Eurovision on BBC One at 8pm on Saturday, May 11.
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