Willow Dey settled in at one of the many full tables at Center on Halsted’s Thanksgiving meal on Thursday, recognizing some of the faces around them and meeting some people for the first time.
Dey, 67, is a former photographer and artist who uses they/them pronouns. Dey said they were born and raised in Chicago but had been away for about 30 years before returning and discovering the center. Since then, they have used a number of the center’s services and support groups for what they called “mature LGBTQ” people.
“I really love the Center on Halsted and live nearby,” Dey said. “I’m really glad that these dinners exist. This is my chosen family.”
Dey came to the celebration with a friend and said they also ran into neighbors and familiar faces. “It was really great to meet people and get new resources, new ideas and just be with the community,” Dey said.
For Dey, holidays are closely tied to chosen family. They said they were “pretty much estranged” from their biological family and that they have not spoken in decades. When they used to visit family, Dey said it felt “like walking on eggshells … pretending to be something I was not,” and that they could not share their authentic self. “I’m accepted here. I can wear what I want here, I can be my authentic self. My family didn’t always accept me,” they said. “This is healthier, it’s positive. I get the support and love here. Where else can you wear a boa and leopard?”
Volunteers, staff and supporters help make the holiday meal possible each year. Chef J. Urban, senior director of culinary arts, said they have worked as a culinary instructor and in social services for about 20 years and have been at the center for three. They oversee Silver Fork, the center’s culinary training program, and said about 70 volunteers help make the Thanksgiving and Christmas meals happen. Volunteers and staff work to set up the day before, prepare and reheat food, serve guests and coordinate activities like bingo.
Urban said about 200 people were served meals. Accommodations are made for allergies and vegan selections through a new online RSVP process. The menu was composed of Thanksgiving staples, including turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing, roast vegetables, a greens salad, pumpkin and apple pie and cranberry sauce as well as vegan meals including Tofurkey, roasted potatoes and fresh roast vegetables.
Christian Halvorsen, who turns 74 in December, said he has been coming to the Thanksgiving meal for about 14 years. “All of my real family is on the East Coast, and this is my chosen family,” he said.
Halvorsen said chosen family means “close friends that you can depend upon,” the kind of connection where “the conversation just gets continued, even if you haven’t seen ’em in six months or a year.” He said he spent 43 years in the restaurant industry and is used to socializing, something he does not get to do where he currently lives at a nearby senior living center.
He said being in an LGBTQ-friendly space matters. “It’s nice to be around gay people,” Halvorsen said. The center allows him to be at ease, which he can’t in his building. Halvorsen thanked this year’s volunteers before heading to play bingo.
George Garcia, 75, also noted the importance of having a space where one doesn’t need to hide who they are. Garcia has been volunteering for the past 12 years, but this year, he joined the Thanksgiving celebration as a guest.
He said that same sense of comfort he feels at the Thanksgiving meal is what he appreciates about living in LGBTQ-friendly senior housing at Town Hall Apartments.
“The advantage of living in that building is I wake up every morning, I get dressed, I go out across the street to get my coffee. I don’t think about being gay. I’m just George. I’m a senior, I wake up and I want my coffee. That’s it,” he said.
Urban said this year included a new partnership with Jewel-Osco and its foundation, which sponsored the holiday meals for the Center on Halsted and has created a new 20-week management training program for Silver Fork students to work as apprentices for Jewel-Osco. The center also regularly works with Ann Sather, which provided the restaurant’s “famous cinnamon rolls” and bread, Urban said.
Philanthropy officer Mitchell Kraemer, who has worked at the center for nearly three years, said the Thanksgiving meal reflects the center’s role in the community.
“Center on Halsted, first and foremost, is a community center in Chicago,” he said. For many LGBTQ people, he added, chosen family “is a big thing here,” and many of those relationships are formed at the center.