DEAR ABBY: For many years, I talked too much and overshared. I realized I was the problem, received treatment and overcame it.
Occasionally, I run into former neighbors, co-workers, etc., to whom, in the past, I revealed too much. Sometimes they look away or look nervously at me. I just look away or smile, say hello and keep moving.
I can’t think of any other way to handle seeing others I made uncomfortable in the past. Is this the best thing to do?
— CLOSED MOUTH IN NEVADA
DEAR CLOSED MOUTH: Yes, I think you are handling an uncomfortable situation as well as can be expected. That you are able to smile and say hello without talking at them is proof enough that you have overcome your problem.
If you tried to engage them in further conversation, you would again be oversharing.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have different approaches to holiday gift-giving.
I like to pick up nice things that I find throughout the year, with only a loose idea of who they might go to. Then I sit down in December and sort out who might like what and wrap the things accordingly.
He finds this process abhorrent and insists that the only reasonable way to choose gifts is to shop with the specific person in mind, preferably close to the time the gift is given.
The problem is, he does none of the work of actually finding those thoughtfully chosen and tailored gifts for anyone in our family. The job is left to me, and I have neither the time nor the patience to shop the way he wants me to.
Do you agree with him that I’m being thoughtless, or is it OK that I buy ahead of time as long as everyone has something fitting?
— NOT MERRY IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR NOT MERRY: No, I do not agree with your husband. You are doing the holiday shopping in a way that works for you.
If he would prefer it be done differently, let him know that you are willing to step back and let him assume the task.
If he actually agrees to do it rather than carp, relax and take him up on it. And if the gifts this year are inappropriate, the fault will rest solely with him.
DEAR ABBY: I text my older sister often. Last month, I sent her a long message consisting of information and chitchat. To my surprise, it was answered not by her but by her daughter (whom I am not fond of).
My message was not meant for her daughter, and although the information it contained was not critical or embarrassing, I am offended that my text was intercepted (and answered) by someone other than the intended recipient.
Am I wrong here? The entire situation has now been blown way out of proportion and we are no longer speaking. Please advise.
— PRIVATE BROTHER IN FLORIDA
DEAR BROTHER: I find it odd that your niece would answer her mother’s text unless she was asked to do it. Did your sister take offense because she felt her daughter needed defending?
Your next step should be to get your sister on the phone so you can talk this through. Apologize if you “may have overreacted,” but consider what happened to be a warning that when you text, email or call your sister, it won’t necessarily be kept between the two of you. Private communications may have to be face-to-face.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.