DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a husband seeking advice. My wife has been engaging in a practice she calls “fridgescaping,” which is currently a viral trend on TikTok, where she decorates the inside of our fridge to make it look pretty.
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While I appreciate her creativity, I find it to be overly extravagant and inconvenient. I often have to move vases and flowers to access food.
When I mentioned my concerns, she immediately removed everything without discussion. Since then, she has been distant and uncommunicative.
How can I address this issue with her when she’s closing her communication and giving me the cold shoulder? I did not realize this would be such a big issue.
— Fridgescaping
DEAR FRIDGESCAPING: Clearly you hurt your wife’s feelings, even though it wasn’t intentional.
She found some joy in participating in this trend, and you brought in a practical concern that probably felt like having cold water thrown in her face.
Tell your wife you want to talk to her. Apologize for hurting her feelings. Share that you didn’t realize how much it would bother her for you to say something about her current focus on decorating the refrigerator. Of course you want her to be happy.
Perhaps there is a compromise that you can reach so that she can continue to decorate and you can still find things.
Make sure she knows your intention was not to make her feel bad — you just wanted to be able to locate something you wanted to eat.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m 20 and currently dating someone who is older than me by 16 years.
While we have a strong connection, we face challenges due to our age gap.
My partner’s parents, who are more traditional, have made it clear through their disapproving glances and subtle comments that they are not fond of our relationship.
I want to make a good impression and have a positive relationship with them. How can I build a better connection with them? Any advice on how to win them over would be greatly appreciated.
— Age Gap
DEAR AGE GAP: As the mother of a 20-year-old daughter, I have to say I totally understand the concerns that your partner’s parents (and probably others) have about your relationship.
I also get that you feel like you have met someone who may be your partner and want to explore that.
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My best advice is to slow down. A lasting relationship is built on shared interests, intellectual connection, compatible values, intertwined goals, mutual respect and physical attraction. Pay attention to which of these things you share. How novel is the relationship versus how lasting? What do you want from this relationship?
I know that 20-year-olds can be mature, but through your eyes today, what do you want for your life and how might your partner fit into your vision? What does he want?
Your partner’s parents’ opinion of your relationship may soften over time if you two demonstrate that your commitment is real and can stand the test of time. Be patient and pay attention.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.