A stunning announcement has sent icy chills through the hockey world. On opening day of the 2026-27 season, President Donald Trump imposed sweeping tariffs on anything Canadian used by American NHL teams.
Citing “tremendously unfair trade practices” and a need to “make American hockey great again,” the White House unveiled a hat trick. Comprehensive 25% tariffs on Canadian equipment, players and the maple syrup served at concession stands.
“For too long, American hockey teams have suffered a tremendous trade deficit with Canada,” Trump stated from the Rose Garden, hockey stick in hand. “They send us their Crosbys, their MacKinnons, Marchands and Tim Hortons coffee, and what do we get? Nothing. It’s a disaster, folks.”
Under the new “Hockey America First” policy, Canadian players will now require special work visas renewed after each period of play. Teams must also pay import duties on Canadian hockey sticks, pucks and jerseys, with the president insisting “American trees make the best hockey sticks, believe me.”
The Toronto Maple Leafs and Montreal Canadiens immediately announced retaliatory measures, including a 50% tax on American-born enforcers and a complete ban on Zamboni imports manufactured south of the border. The Canadian prime minister declared, “We’ll build our own ice shavers … and Americans will pay for them.”
The Boston Bruins, with their roster heavily populated by Canadians, have already begun training American replacements from Alabama and Arizona, many of whom reportedly asked, “Which end of the stick hits the puck?” Vegas oddsmakers have subsequently given the Bruins 10,000-to-1 odds for next season’s Stanley Cup. Meanwhile, the New York Rangers have initiated emergency contacts with former college lacrosse players with exceptional stick handling skills.
Economic experts project the tariffs will increase the cost of operating an NHL franchise by approximately $47 million per team, with most of that attributed to the “maple syrup strategic reserve” each arena must maintain in the event of a Canadian embargo.
Perhaps most controversially, the “O Canada” anthem played in the United States will now incur a tax of $10,000 per song. Teams are said to be experimenting with instrumental versions hoping to avoid detection.
Hockey fans across North America are taking to social media to demand a repeal of this so-called “Hockey Tax.” “This isn’t just a tariff — it’s a body check on the game,” lamented one analyst, shaking his head over a $15 Molson. Fans wonder if this international hockey crisis will be resolved, or if next season will truly feature all-American teams struggling to pronounce “eh” correctly.
Francois Melese is a professor emeritus of economics at the Naval Postgraduate School in Monterey and vice-chair at the California Arts & Sciences Institute.