New Premier League season means new, well almost, looks. Gavin Brown and Steve Charnock run a fashionable eye over the beauties and the beasts of this summer’s sartorial offerings.
The good
10. Chelsea home
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Chelsea’s recent rebadging is actually quite slick. A simplified version of the staff-grasping lion sits on the chest of this stylish new collared home shirt, while the full badge is subtly woven into the fabric. Once again, the Blues start the season without a sponsor, so perhaps this won’t look as snazzy with a giant Cambodian online casino’s logo ironed in the middle, but for now? It’s a classy little number. SC
9. Fulham away
This is bellissimo, giving us serious early ‘90s AC Milan vibes. But in a patchwork style, for some reason. Like the Cottagers commissioned a Midwestern soccer mom to crochet her favourite Rossoneri kit from vague childhood memories of watching Football Italia. Golaccio! SC
8. Tottenham (third)
While we’re complimenting Spurs’ strip, let’s tip our Stetsons in the direction of their new third threads, where purple reigns. It’s nostalgia done right, strongly evoking memories of 30-odd years ago. (Cue a flashback montage featuring Pony and Hewlett Packard logos, Ronnie Rosenthal and Ruel Fox and, of course, Gerry Francis’ iconic mullet). SC
7. Tottenham away
In a bid to make up for their relentlessly drab home kits, Spurs tend to make an effort with their changed strips. The latest sees a dark navy base jazzed up by jagged diagonal streaks of metallic pink, blue, orange and violet. Even if you’re not into it, you can’t say it’s not original. Well, you can. But you’d be wrong. SC
6. Nottingham Forest away
Like Man Utd, adidas are on form here with another simple, effective away-day banger. The hard-sell says something about being inspired by Sherwood Forest but all you need to know is dark green with a red trim go surprisingly well. GB
5. Manchester United away
This has huge hints of 1980s nostalgia without being obvious about it. There’s nothing very original or eye-catching but the simple blue design with red trim oozes class and competence, qualities all too lacking at United of late. GB
4. Sunderland home
This pays tribute to the 1937 FA Cup final win. I’m not sure a 90th birthday warrants such treatment but I am convinced by the results. Like Hull, this wins big for simplicity and again proves Hummel don’t do bad kits. It’s also currently sponsorless, though sadly that is set to change. GB
3. Coventry away
The Sky Blues are up for the first time since the Millennium Dome was a thing but have not really risen to the occasion with their home shirt. No matter, as fans of the iconic brown number know, the change strip is Cov’s speciality and they will visit the big boys feeling loose and comfortable in an understated off-white, navy and coral classic. GB
2. Ipswich away
The Tractor Boys return to the Premier League with a lovely away shirt based on a colour palate from a late 90s classic. The resemblance ends there but no matter, the horizontal black and red pinstripes on a cream base hit the spot in ways which are hard to define. Pleasing. GB
1. Hull home
The last club invited to the Premier League party and the favourites to be the first to leave, but ‘best dressed guest’? It’s not out of the question. Made by local firm Oxen, Hull’s timeless look is topped off by a smart collar and a wonderful lettered logo. We can’t guarantee points but they might top the league for sartorial elegance. GB
The bad
11. Liverpool home
We understand what’s going on here. Beardsley, Hansen – John Barnes in tiny shorts. Candy. The end of the Dalglish era. It’s evocative alright and it should work. And yet, somehow, it doesn’t. Is it a bit too obvious? Well, not to the many kids I’ve seen proudly wearing it on their summer holidays, so what do I know? GB
12. Manchester United home
Every few years a big club (usually United, actually) rock up in a shirt which looks like the cut-price, counterfeit version some unfortunate mum buys her child down the local market. This is that kit. It might look better on the shoulders of a £100million player in a big game under the lights, but don’t count on it. GB
13. Newcastle home
There’s no evidence that Anthony Gordon, Sandro Tonali and Bruno Guimareas took one look at this disaster and called the estate agents, but it can’t be ruled out. It shouldn’t be possible to take iconic, vertical black and white stripes and get it this badly wrong, but adidas have proved more than up to the challenge. GB
14. Sunderland away
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and on another day I might slide this slightly crazy pink number into the good column. But not today. The blurb claims the shirt was ‘created in collaboration with’ Elvis Presley – a bold boast for a kit released 49 years after the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll drew his last breath. It has Elvis ballad/terrace anthem ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love With You’ embroidered into the collar but, for now, I’m able to resist. GB
15. Fulham third
This is an egregious ocular offence. A neon nightmare. It’s a migraine in sartorial form. A vaporwave-inspired explosion in a cheap glowstick factory. It looks like someone accidentally mixed up the confetti for a gender reveal party. Like if Mark Rothko ran out of oil paint and had to use highlighters instead. I mean, I could go on, but we’ve been given a pretty strict word count. SC
16. Brighton away
In and of itself, there’s nothing too terrible going on here. But, c’mon. It’s a complete flip of the home kit. For a cool city with a population made up of about 70% graphic designers, this is almost unforgivably uninspired. It’s an oddly corporate look, with AmEx as the shirt sponsor, a blue pinstripe motif and the sort of subtle off-white colouring only Patrick Bateman could appreciate. SC
17. Brentford away
Speaking of pinstripes, Keith Andrews’ West London mob will sport a thin vertical banding on their changed strip. It is, rather unexpectedly, inspired by the Savile Row tailoring featured in the Kingsman films, following director Matthew Vaughn’s purchase of a minority stake in the club last year. Trouble is, it just looks like a Millwall kit. And no one wants to saunter down Chiswick High Road looking like they’re from Bermondsey, do they? SC
18. Crystal Palace home
As any fan of late-90s Eurotrance will tell you, there’s nothing wrong with a Sash! Crystal Palace have given prominence to bold diagonal stripes before, so it’s a case of encore une fois for the Croydon South London club. But a red and blue sash on a white shirt? That’s a Palace away shirt, not a Palace home shirt, surely? SC
19. Arsenal home
Look, this is mostly fine, so settle down, Arsenal fans. We know how touchy you can all be. Still, the awkward raglan sleeves detach the shoulders from the red body, the overused construction feels tired, the dark stripes clash with the strange collar and patterned cuffs, the burgundy trim looks a bit Manchester United and it somehow manages to be both fussy and boring. Okay, maybe it’s not fine after all. SC
20. Nottingham Forest home
According to the designers, the marbled effect represents ‘the mist rolling in from the Trent’. It looks more like the Turin Shroud’s been tie-dyed red and used to wipe down a mechanic’s oily spanners. Poor. SC
Which kit is the worst?
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Nottingham Forest home
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Arsenal home
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Crystal Palace home
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Brentford away
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Brighton away
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Fulham third
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Sunderland away
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Newcastle home
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Man Utd home
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Liverpool home