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Drew Carey is a good dude. He quietly paid for striking writers’ meals at two LA diners for nearly all of the WGA strike last year. The grand total came to a whopping $1 million, much to the chagrin of his accountant. But Carey kept picking up the tab because, A) it was the right thing to do, and B) he was in the position to do so thanks to all the writers he’s worked with throughout his career. As I’ve said before, the man is a mensch. And mensches deserve to treat themselves when they can, which is what Carey did over the weekend for one night of Phish’s four-day residency at the fancy schmancy Sphere in Las Vegas. Did he enjoy the jam? Well my friends, he ended a five-month break from Twitter to tout the show in some very, um, colorful language, shall we say. Fair warning — I recommend getting down most of your morning coffee before reading:
This past weekend, jam-band legends Phish played a special 4/20 residency at the fancy new Las Vegas venue Sphere, becoming the first band since U2 to play in front of all those fancy screens. From all the reports that I saw, Phish fans were blown away by both the sounds and the trippy visuals. One of those fans was Drew Carey, the genial funnyman and Price Is Right host. Carey was at Sphere on Sunday night to take in the final performance of Phish’s residency, and he used some descriptive terms to say how much he enjoyed the experience.
Before yesterday, Drew Carey’s Twitter account had been dormant since November, when he announced that he was leaving the platform over Elon Musk’s leadership. Apparently, though, the Phish experience was enough to get him to break that legendary silence. Yesterday, Carey returned to Twitter to say, “I would give you all my money, stick my d–k in a blender and swear off pussy for the rest of my life in exchange for this… This is what it must feel like to cum with a pussy. Because if it’s even close I’m flaying to wherever tomorrow and getting the best pussy money can buy. I don’t need to be a man no more of it means I can feel like this all the time.”
This definitely looks like the work of Twitter hackers, but Phish fans saw Carey at Sphere on Sunday, and he seemed to be enjoying himself. Here’s the full text of Carey’s review:
#Phish at the #Sphere
I swear I just talked to God
I would give you all my money, stick my d–k in a blender and swear off pussy for the rest of my life in exchange for this.
Bro I met God tonight for real. I feel like I just got saved by Jesus no lie
I’m still melted.
This is what it must feel like to cum with a pussy
Because if it’s even close I’m flaying to wherever tomorrow and getting the best pussy money can buy. I don’t need to be a man no more of it means I can feel like this all the time
F–king keep it bro if I can get this feeling instead
That was God at work or something
Like it felt like I was being saved by Jesus no lie
I think he liked it. Phish fans are a very dedicated bloc who self-identify under sub-factions and enjoy live concerts in a variety of ways. Apparently Carey is a new Phish Head. That or he reeeeeeally likes LED light shows. Or the audio-visual immersive experience truly is something that cannot be captured in short online videos. While personally the music of Phish doesn’t do it for me, I definitely understand how the sheer scope and shape of the venue makes for a spectacular live performance. The kind of overwhelming, awe-inspiring, once-in-a-lifetime night that inspires poetry the likes of, “I would give you all my money, stick my d–k in a blender and swear off pussy for the rest of my life in exchange for this.” Eat your heart out, Shakespeare! Call me quaint, but my favorite line of Carey’s sonnet is “I’m still melted.” Glad you had a good melt, Drew. But could someone please confirm that Carey made it back home safe and sound? In solid form?
#Phish at the #Sphere
I swear I just talked to God
I would give you all my money, stick my dick in a blender and swear off pussy for the rest of my life in exchange for this.
Bro I met God tonight for real. I feel like I just got saved by Jesus no lie pic.twitter.com/Wci1OdUp3F
— ʎǝɹɐƆ ʍǝɹᗡ (@DrewFromTV) April 22, 2024