Marissa Mendez, 33, who identifies as bisexual, dreams of safe spaces to visit with her wife.
“A place where we can escape for awhile, with meditation, maybe do a gentle tai chi under a tree where we can relax,” she said on July 29. “Where there is someone else like me.”
Mendez, of Whittier, is homeless. She married a transgender woman who is 23 years her elder, which met with disapproval from her mother and father, causing her to leave their home in order to be with her wife.
Her situation, though complicated, represents the problems shared by many of the 665,000 LGBTQ+ adults a recent study found are living in Los Angeles County, about 9% of the county’s population.
On July 14, the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors adopted a motion to add more “third spaces” for queer adults to socialize, at parks, libraries and through partnerships with community-based centers, bars, coffee shops and bookstores. A report on how to move ahead is due out in a few months as the supervisors listen to staff and residents’ suggestions.
“This motion creates more LGBTQ third spaces,” said First District Supervisor Hilda Solis, who led the motion. “Because LGBTQ spaces save lives.”
Solis pointed to studies showing that these spaces are disappearing from L.A. County, at a time when the LGBTQ+ community is under attack by the Trump Administration. She also pointed to surveys reporting mental health problems and isolation.
• Nationally, gay bars and other LGBTQ+ specific gathering spaces declined by more than 41% between 2002 and 2019, according to a study from Oberlin College and Conservatory in Ohio. During the pandemic, the county reported permanent closures of such spaces.
• The federal government has issued numerous executive orders that directly rescind programs and policies that address public health needs and nondiscrimination protections in health care, education, and other sectors, Solis’ motion stated.
• A 2025 survey by The Trevor Project, which advocates for LGBTQ+ youth, got 16,000 responses from young people ages 13 to 24 and found 39% seriously considered suicide in the past year. This includes 46% of transgender and nonbinary survey respondents, Solis reported. LGBTQ+ youth with access to safe spaces that affirm their identity had significantly lower rates of suicide attempts compared to those without access.
• With LGBTQ+ seniors, the AARP’s 2024 Dignity survey of more more than 2,200 ages 45 and older found that 78% are worried about having adequate social support as they age, while 48% already feel socially isolated, Solis’s motion reported.
The last two studies prompted the Board of Supervisors to focus efforts on third spaces for youth and seniors.
“We want to build a countywide network for affirming third spaces. The motion creates a working group to do this,” said Solis. “Now more than ever, we need to ensure our LGBTQ+ residents know they belong.”
The third space
The term is now referred to as a “third space” but was originally coined by the late author and sociologist Ray Oldenburg as a “third place” to describe familiar but unrelated places to socialize. He wrote about third places or third spaces in his well-known, acclaimed 1989 book, “The Great Good Place.”
The first place is the home, with the workplace as the second place or space. But a third space is needed for more human connections, community and sociability, Oldenburg wrote. These can include: cafes, parks, hair salons, libraries, gyms or bars — places that foster civic engagement in an informal way.
“Third places remind us that human connections need nurturing and that community depends on just such simple things as a few tables, a friendly host, and a willingness to see what happens when we meet face-to-face,” said Karen Christensen, Oldenburg’s long-time collaborator who is about to publish a sequel, “The Great Good Place II: Third Places Revisited.”
Christensen talked about the supervisors’ pending action from her home in Western Massachusetts. She has traveled the world talking about the topic and previewing her book.
Third spaces come in two categories: those set aside for a certain group “where you just want to find your own people” like a gay bar or an LGBTQ+ Center, or those that celebrate diversity and “you have common ground with people who are different. Both are valid,” she said in an interview on July 29.
She has one set of design values.
“You want places to be as convenient as possible. Maybe an empty storefront with a few couches and even a room with a fridge. People would be better served by having a lot of smaller, casual places,” she said.
Convenient for working folks
She said the trouble with libraries is they may not be open at night. A third place “has to be open at hours after work.”
Marissa Mendez cited the hours of the new Greater Whittier LGBTQ Community Center on Painter Avenue, which are not open late except for substance abuse group meetings. Drop-in hours are 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. “Both me and my wife work. By the time I’m off, everything is closed.”
She enjoyed a sewing class at the center once, but can’t make it anymore working two jobs as a dental assistant in two different dentist offices.
The San Gabriel Valley LGBTQ Center in El Monte has board games night on the third Thursday of the month from 7 pm. to 9 p.m. At that time on a Wednesday night, a virtual grief circle meets as a safe space to talk about loss, even a broken relationship.
In Sun Valley, Somos Familia Valle at 12411 Sheldon Street #3 is the only LGBTQ+ center serving the San Fernando Valley. The San Fernando Valley LGBTQ Center is closed, and many sources said permanently. The phone number for the office does not answer and an email to the former director went unanswered. Google lists the center as “temporarily closed.”
“Somos is a third space,” said Kevin Perez, president. “We are centered in the San Fernando Valley, aways from West Hollywood or Downtown LA (which have high concentrations of queer residents and more resources). Perez believes third spaces must be nearby. Many don’t want to travel or can’t get to West Hollywood or the LGBT Center in Los Angeles from the SFV or the San Gabriel Valley or South LA, for example.
Somos offers programs for people of color, trans and inter-sex people, and the popular “Queer Zumba” and “Queer Yoga” classes. He refers people with housing needs to The Village in North Hollywood.
Perez wants the Board of Supervisors report to work on collaborations. In his center’s case, working with LGBTQ student groups at LA Valley College and California State University, Northridge would be helpful.
“Every corner of Los Angeles County deserves to have these spaces,” said Third District Supervisor Lindsey Horvath, whose district includes the San Fernando Valley.
Second District Supervisor Holly Mitchell, who represents central and south L.A., said many in her district go to a nearby bar, a safe, third space but that’s not enough. “Today, black transgender people are not safe,” she pointed out.
How to reach young people
Most interviewed talked about the needs of young queer people. Many have better relationships with their phones and tablets than people. Experts talk of them falling down the rabbit hole of anxiety, depression, isolation and suicidal ideation.
“They don’t have them at all. They haven’t had them. Kids have very little time to find their own third spaces,” said Christensen. “Just keeping kids off their phones is a start but you have to give them a place.”
Christian Port, president of the SGV LGBTQ Center, at 12127 Elliot Avenue in El Monte, said his group got a grant to complete a community assessment. There are about 125,000 LGBTQ residents living in the San Gabriel Valley, according to the Williams Institute study out of UCLA Law School.
“Young people feel they didn’t have access to third spaces,” he said. “There is a lack of those spaces that are inclusive for our community.”
Alienation for many young people started with the COVID-19 pandemic, when they were shut in at home, away from school and friends. After the pandemic, third spaces for youth disappeared. Making matters tougher, many don’t have support at home, school or at church.
Using state grant dollars, SGV LGBTQ Center started a Youth Advocacy Coalition. The high school and college-age participants drew up policy plans focusing on creating safe spaces for all LGBTQ people, including seniors. “That was incredible to see,” he said.
They ended up giving their report to Supervisor Solis and that resulted in her board motion. “For the youth on the Coalition, it has been extremely empowering for them,” Port said.
Queer youth crave spaces to hang out with like-minded people. But also, Port said they need some structured activities.
While LGBTQ folks in their 30s and 40s go to bars, youth coming of age often don’t. “This generation are not out partying as much. They are looking for different connections,” Port said. He said they prefer sober spaces, such as libraries, coffee and tea shops, bookstores and parks.
Over in East Los Angeles, there was a monthly open-air market where LGBTQ+ artisans and crafters sell their goods and celebrate their authentic selves in a safe space. People came to East L.A. Civic Center’s Belvedere Park to browse booths, munch on food and listen to music from queer bands.
That event has run out of money, forcing its closure, said Diana Diaz, co-founder of the Queer Mercado. She held a satellite event recently on Olvera Street, she explained. While Solis has been supportive in many ways, regular funding has not evolved. She’s working on inking a new location in Montebello.
Diaz, a straight woman, counsels high school students at a school in East LA. She quickly became an ally after hearing stories of bullying, both at school and at home, she said. She gives young people free booths to sell their products at her events.
Often moms feel confused and don’t know how to react to a queer child, she said. “Their culture is a big barrier. They are afraid to take their daughter or son to a soccer club because of bullying. Some moms don’t let their trans kid walk alone to the 7-Eleven,” Diaz said.
The mercado bans alcohol, she said. “We need more spaces where there isn’t alcohol. Where there is enrichment and a potential for them to contribute to the community.”
Third spaces for seniors
Some centers have groups for queer seniors. But often, this population is left behind. In the past, they socialized in male gay clubs or lesbian bars that are scarce today. New ones often cater to younger people or niche groups like leather clubs.
Researchers found LGBTQ+ seniors are twice as likely to live alone. Often, they don’t have children to fall back on for support as they age. In short, they lack care and social networks most non-LGBTQ+ people rely on as they age.
Seniors are finding fast-food restaurants as a third space, said Christensen.
“People make their own spaces, and find somewhere they can hang out,” she said. Her research found seniors, especially in the morning, meet at McDonald’s. “They know that at 8 or 9, so-and-so will turn up. It evolves like that.”
The SGV LGBTQ Center has a seniors meet up on the third Saturdays of each month. They meet in alternating places, from Pasadena to Arcadia to El Monte.
Also, Solis’ motion suggests creating intergenerational spaces where youth join with seniors.
In the San Gabriel Valley, there are many seniors who have lived closeted lives due to pressures from conservative communities and non-supporting faith groups and therefore, come out late. “They are not feeling safe and feel their particular community would not support them,” resulting in them going out less often and becoming isolated, Port said.
Funds are an issue
Community-based groups mention funding as a priority.
The Whittier Pride group, which is set to put on a pride event on Sept. 26 at Whittier College, was denied funding from a county source when it asked for $24,000, said Lorenzo Gomez, director. He’s trying again, cutting down the ask to $15,000 and is waiting to hear back.
He found a kind of third space at the First Friends Church in Whittier, where he and his board are meeting to plan the event. But for his group, which is separate from the LGBTQ Center on Painter Avenue, he’d like to get a permanent space.
“People know who we are. But we have a lot do do, like getting a fixed space,” he said.
The group is also known for its Christmas parade, and for a movie night last year hosted with the Whittier Museum that featured the Frank Capra classic, “It’s a Wonderful Life.”
“It was just a simple movie night, but it was so beautiful. It was nice for me and my partner to go see and enjoy,” said Mendez.
Spaces don’t have to be elaborate as Mendez noted, just friendly and accepting. They don’t have to be big buildings that cost a lot of money, Christensen said.
“People need to be together in an unstructured space where you are not sitting in a circle forced to tell your life story,” Christensen said. “That’s worse if you are queer. You want places where someone can drop in and feel comfortable.”